I *FINALLY* FORGOT FOR A WHILE……but it is never far away
There are finally days when I forget that I had cancer. It finally feels normal to throw a tank top on with no bra. It finally feels normal to not schedule a mammogram (please, schedule your mammogram). It finally feels normal to look at myself in a mirror.
There are, of course, some random reminders when out in the wild, interacting with people I have recently met.
I told a story to a co-worker about how I spent time as an archaeologist in Alaska. She cocked her head and said, “Seriously?! How many lives have you had?” I responded saying, “Well, that was BC, and that could mean Before Children or Before Cancer. Both are sometimes hard to remember…” We laughed and I was excited to tell her a story about being charged by a bear.
One day, I was eating lunch with some new acquaintances and one woman said that every time she has a little ache or pain, she thinks its cancer. I asked, “Have you ever had cancer?” and she replied, “nah.” I said, “Oh I have. It’s no joke.” Her eyes got wide and she apologized. I brushed it off, but it was a reminder. At the time it seemed like a tone-deaf comment considering I have not met one person who has not been affected by cancer, whether it be themselves or someone they know or love.
More recently, I have been dealing with some new daily challenges. I mean, they say when one problem is resolved, the Universe likes to throw you another one. I am tired. Not just tired. Tired, tired. I cannot eat better and lift weights to feel better. I just get fatter. I cannot stop the itchiness of my left ear. I cannot control the inner rage that I feel when someone says something asinine and expects me to take it seriously. I roll my eyes more than my 15-year-old daughter. The hardest part of this is that I recognize is. I can see it burbling up. I can feel it coming. And I cannot figure out how to contain it for the life of me.
I am now in a place in my life – Hello, Perimenopause- where I am constantly reminded that I had cancer. Not because I notice my slightly sagging left breast. Or that I have pain under my arms. Or that I even notice my scars anymore. No. Now I am reminded that I had estrogen positive breast cancer because now that I am experiencing debilitating perimenopause symptoms, Hormone Replacement Therapy is off the table for me.
Doctors, in general, do not recommend systemic HRT for patients who have been diagnosed with hormone receptor positive breast cancer because of concerns about increasing risk of cancer recurrence. The American Cancer Society has stated on their webpage that hormone therapy “may not be safe for women who’ve had breast cancer” but there are other ways to relieve menopause symptoms. Taking Menopausal Hormone Therapy After Breast Cancer | American Cancer Society
There are always exceptions. How long ago was the cancer? What was the stage? Is endocrine therapy still happening? Severity of the menopause symptoms. But it really is not clear.
The Natural Library of Medicine published a report in 2025 concluding that due to a lack of clinical trials, there is “no definitive evidence concerning the magnitude of risks and benefits of MHT (Menopausal Hormonal Therapy) after breast cancer.” Basically, the article said that if a patient’s life is so affected by the symptoms of menopause, it may be worth doing hormonal therapy. The researchers said shared decision making is important (yes, and women should not have to fight for information on this to make decisions) and that looking at the whole person is important when making decisions (this is so obvious I hate that anyone feels they have to mention it). Here is the link if you want to read it yourself: Menopausal hormone therapy for breast cancer patients: what is the current evidence? - PMC
This is absolutely NOT a recommendation to do anything. Your life is your life. If you are in the same situation, then you need to do what’s best for you. If you are supporting someone going through this, please understand that it is hard. It is hard to wake up every day knowing there is not a ton you can do about feeling better with perimenopause symptoms (and there are SO MANY PERIMENOPAUSE SYMPTOMS) except have a frank and honest conversation with your doctor- or ALL your doctors – about your life, what you need, and what can help you through it at every stage.
For me, I have added the following To Dos on my recurring notes app:
Exercise to feel better.
Do something you love to feel better.
Do something for yourself to feel better.
Let’s see if I can get through another lump in the road.
My story is not unlike others. In fact, my book is the same title as at least one other, and there is even an audible story, all available on Amazon. Go there to check it out. Amazon
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